Do you know what your kid is posting on Facebook?

Recently a kid named Hannah blocked her parents from her facebook page and then proceeded to post a rant on her page about having to do chores around the house. Of course, her dad saw that rant and made a video response to his daughter.

There has been a huge response from parents everywhere and many of the Wired Moms sent messages to make sure I saw the video too.

There are a number of things going on here.

1. It’s important to have natural consequences for bad behavior – when a child brings home a bad grade the natural consequence would be to impose more study time at home not necessarily to take away their iPod. Removing an iPod does not help your kid get a better grade. This video seems to be a demonstration of natural consequences (even though it is a little extreme ).

2. Technology is a privilege not a right.

3. It is important for parents to be involved with their kids online life. If you have a child over the age of 13 (even though many kids under 13 also get pages) there is a very high likelihood that they have facebook page, a tumblr, a twitter and possibly other pages like MySpace. First of all talk with your kid but then also Google them.

Watch the video and then let us know what you think.

PS Many people have said that the Dad should have just sold the laptop to recoop his software expenses. But after watching the video with my kids they all agreed that this guy could still sell the laptop as is on Ebay and get way more for it than he spent on the software. This laptop is now Legendary.

Miss New and Wired Safety Take on Bullying

— By Mary Heston

The Miss America pageant has a long rich history in my own family.  There were never actually any Miss America’s in my family (that I know of ) but we watched the show every year and had our own little talent shows in our living room.  My mom would even dress up as Miss Washington – but that’s another story.

So, you can only imagine how thrilled I was to hear that Miss New York, Kaitlin Monte, (not pictured above) was running this year on a Stop Cyberbullying platform.  It was even more exciting to hear that she had already teamed up with Wired Safety and Parry Aftab to get this message out.  Of course last Saturday we sat on the edge of our seats as final runners up were being called and she was still standing.  One by one they left the stage at the 2012 Miss America pageant until there were just 3 of them standing there.  Then they called her name.  2nd runner up.   She may not be Miss America this year but she dazzled me as I’m sure she dazzled so many other people with her very straightforward answer to what was invariably THE toughest question of the night during the interview segment of the competition.

Check out her personal website HERE.

Cyberbullying is something  that I thought might diminish as we all became more social network savvy and as more education on the topic became available through those same social networks and through our schools.  But the bullies persist and they take on new and more ingenious ways of tormenting their victims every day.

We all need to work together to help get the word out.  CLICK HERE to go to a Cyberbully Census survey.  If you know any students from 3rd to 12th grade please have them take this survey. You don’t need to be from NY to participate.

2012 has already started out with too many Cyberbullying related tragedies – it’s time to take a stand.

Appy New Year

Yes! There’s an App for that!  This is a phrase we are becoming more familiar with.  My kids seem to know intuitively how to find all these great apps.  I am still relying on the kindness of my friends, associates, and strangers to help me find these spectacular apps.

Over the holidays I heard from a number of moms who had just discovered that the wonderful piece of technology they had just given to their child to listen to music or to read eBooks, also had the ability to surf the internet and download Apps! They didn’t really realize that the gift they had just given their child had so much more functionality than they had planned on.

We have to face it – Apps are part of our world now.

The good news is that we don’t have to figure this all out ourselves OR rely soley on our children as the source of information.  ( I am still reeling from the story I heard from one mom whose darling 9 year old daughter convinced her that it would be ok to go see Hangover II in the theater this last year – that girl has a job waiting for her in some sales department some day.)

As a Wired Mom the only thing to do is to recruit the help of other fabulous, concerned, and in-the-know, people to help us out.  So that is exactly what we’ve done!  This Thursday, January 19th, we will be celebrating the “Appy New Year” with our good friends from Famigo (@Famigo), Ruckus Media (@RuckusMedia), ZiggityZoom.com (@ziggityzoom), Carissa Rogers from GoodnCrazy.com (@CarissaRogers) and our very own @maryheston to talk all about apps. Join this amazing group on Twitter at 9pm EST and follow the hashtag #Appy2012.  Follow us @wiredmom along with the other panelists and join in the fun on Thursday.

Don’t be this guy!  If you have a kid of any age running around the house this is an important twitter party to join.  Bring your questions and suggestions as we spend an hour celebrating this Appy New Year.  Get up to speed on the world of Apps before your kids convince you that the Hangover II app* is family friendly.

You can also get the discussion started early at Wired Moms on Facebook

See you there!  ( IS there an App for that ? )

 

* There’s not really a HOII app that I know of – but we always have to watch out….

Watch out for those Crazy Drivers!

On the Information Super Highway you have to look out for the crazy drivers!
by Mary Heston

With four kids in the house who are all approaching or newly driving we have been focusing on teaching them how to be good drivers. And they are. They walk all the way around the car before getting in to make sure there is nothing behind the car before pulling out. They put on their seatbelts. They do not text and drive. They come to a complete stop at the stop sign (something I have to remind myself to do on occasion). Overall, they are excellent drivers.

The only thing is that they are not the only ones out there on the road. Pretty much every time we get in the car my husband drills it into their heads “Watch out for the crazy drivers”. You may be driving along following the rules of the road and minding your own business when some idiot ahead of you falls asleep behind the wheel or decides that it is ok to drive home after that holiday party even though they lost count of just exactly how many drinks they had.

This last weekend we had a little run in with a couple of Crazy Drivers on the Information Super Highway.

For the past 15 plus years our family has been growing up with the Internet along with Parry Aftab, the worlds leading Internet safety expert, at hand to help guide us through some of the interesting and unexpected challenges that have presented themselves along the way. The Internet really just became part of everyone’s world when my kids were very little. And so we basically learned how to drive this highway together.

This last week there were two different cases where my kids pointed out some “crazy drivers”.

VIDEO GAMES and Under age drivers

Tuesday November 8 was not only election day but it was also the midnight release party for Call of Duty Modern Warfare 3. This is an M rated game and it is pretty violent. It was designed by grown up gamers for a mature audience who like to play this kind of game. It is a game that can be played online with other players around the world. My 20 year old went to this midnight release ( which as we mentioned before was on a Tuesday which is a school night anyway ) and there were some very young kids waiting to buy the game. This was discouraging to my son whose first thought was for himself – the game is way more fun when you can play it as intended and you don’t have to worry about hurting some 11 year olds feelings who is playing the game but really shouldn’t be. And then he thought to himself ‘Wait a minute. It’s a school night and I would have never gotten away with this when I was 11’.

CELL PHONES and the new driver

Giving your teen a cell phone is a big point of discussion that goes on with Wired Moms all the time. It is a great tool but it is also really easy for even a good kid to run into trouble in a blink of an eye. A video can be recorded and uploaded to the Internet before anyone really even thinks about whether or not that was a good idea. Pictures can be forwarded and then get passed along like wild fire. One weak moment with a bad decision could result in months of agony.

This last weekend we encountered a person who is new to the cell phone texting world and sent way too many text messages to one of our family member’s phones. We didn’t think too much of this because we figured we could just block that incoming number. But apparently, that is now a premium service with our phone company which they will gladly provide for an additional charge. In my next post you will get to read the back story and hopefully the resolution to this one.

Technology is changing. Parenting is not. We still have to watch out for our kids and keep an eye out for all those crazy drivers.

Daylight savings: Time to review your Family Terms of Service

Today is daylight savings time and many people take this opportunity to also check the batteries in their smoke detectors or change the air filter in their furnaces.  It might also be a good time to review your Family Terms of Service with your kids.  Each year kids grow and these terms should be updated too.  With the holidays coming up it is a great time to talk about some of these things before kids gleefully unwrap the latest and greatest gadget of the season.

This last week we received a letter from a parent who was preparing to give their 13 year old a new iPod iTouch but they wanted to know about keeping their kids safe.  Having a conversation about your Family Terms of Service now will prevent several confrontations in the future.  It’s a much easier conversation to have than you might imagine.  It is not 100% and doesn’t always work but if you have these terms laid out for your teen before they even turn on a gadget then it will be so much easier to impose the natural consequences if needed than if you never had this conversation at all.

Here is the letter we received:

Hi Mary – I’m getting my 13 year old an ipod touch, but am concerned about internet access. We use NetNanny on his desktop computer, and I see that there is an internet filtered app for the ipod that might do the same thing. What is your Wired Mom take on how to protect our kids here?

Sincerely, Concerned Parent

Hi Concerned Parent,

Thanks for asking! There are two very important things that we recommend here especially with a new teen. This is a pretty big deal getting an iPod Touch (my 15 year old has one and it has been a lifesaver for us on many occassions so I am actually all for the device).

1. The main thing here is to start out with a Family Terms of Service (TOS).

Facebook has a terms of service and most other social networking websites have a TOS. What you do is sit down with your teen and in advance of even turning the machine on decide what your Family Terms of Service are going to be and what the consequences are going to be if those terms are broken.

Some things people include in their TOS are:

• school work vs. iPod Touch/gadget use. If grades begin to slip are you going to ground your kid from using the iTouch/gadget or not.
• Using the iTouch when Granny is visiting – human interaction is a requirement for being able to use this gadget.
• Chores – are they getting their chores done?
• What sites are ok for them to visit and which ones are not.
• Include in the family TOS that parents have access to the teen’s passwords for all of their social sites and their iTouch
• What other activities are important to your family?

This might sound like a lot and big conversation but it is really made much more productive if you get your teenager to talk about the rules and the consequences for breaking the rules. If the teen is included in this conversation 3 things are likely to happen

• Consequences are much easier to impose.
• Kids are more likely to take their responsibility more serious.
• The consequences the kids come up with are often more harsh than the ones the parents might suggest

OK Now there is a second recommendation that is pretty much non-negotiable around here and that is

2. No sleeping with their iTouch

We have a docking station in the living room where everyone can charge their phones and gadgets and they get plugged in at night.

There is no reason for a kid to take the Internet to bed with them. Studies have shown that kids do much better in school when they have a full nights sleep.

So – Short answer is

1. Family TOS
2. No sleeping with the Internet

The main thing is to talk with your kiddo – let them know there was no such thing as the Internet when we were growing up and that social media is really less than 10 years old. So, it’s all new. Everything that happens online happens really quickly and when things get posted they are public and permanent. You are on their side and will Fiercely watch out for them and do everything you can to protect them from getting into something they are not ready for – or something that none of us have even anticipated yet. We are all learning these new rules together. Also, that as your teen grows up and demonstrates more responsibility then the Family Terms of Service will be modified to reflect that.

Good kids can get in big trouble really quickly with this new technology. My son – who is now 20 – has a friend who is one of the goofiest kids you will ever meet. He got a cell phone when he was 14 and girls from another state started sending him topless photos of themselves. I know this because I knew all my sons parents and they knew I check cell phones and so on occassion I would ask the boys what they had on their cell phone photo file and in their text message history. With my kids, the rule has always been that as long as I am paying for the cell phone I have full access to look at anything at any time. Once my boys reached 18 I told them that they could start paying for their own phones and I wouldn’t check them anymore – they both told me that it was ok – I could keep checking.

If your teen gets something sent to them that makes them uncomfortable they should know that they can come to you and talk to you about it and there is not going to be any repercussions – the best thing to do is delete it as quickly as possible and block whoever is sending that inappropriate material.

The big thing for you is to remember to NEVER freak out when your kid does come to you. If you freak out they will not come to you again. Do your very very best to just listen and if you don’t know what to do then take a few minutes – tell him you have to go to the bathroom and will be right back – then go into the bathroom and do a silent scream and come back when you can be cool again.

Another thing we did when our teens started getting handheld gadgets with Internet connection was to start a family tradition of Friday night family movie night and we started having YouTube nights – instead of renting a movie we would have everyone in the family show each other their favorite YouTube video for that week. This can be very enlightening and give you great insight into what your kid is searching up on YouTube but then you also get a chance to show them your favorites.  It is a great non threatening way to check up on their Internet habits while building trust and get into great conversations at the same time – its win win win all the way around.

Good Luck and Happy Parenting!

The Etiquette and Policy of Photo Tagging in our Public Schools

Just before Labor Day our neighborhood held the annual picnic. My neighbors saw me walking toward the little park, where the event was being held, camera in hand. They all know that besides living down the street from them I also live online.  One neighbor said “Oh my goodness, I suppose this whole event is going to end up on Facebook”.  They all started to laugh a little but it was an interesting point because even though I know most of my neighbors by name I do not know if they want their pictures posted online or not.  I assured them that their faces would not be gracing the pages of my Facebook page unless I had talked with them in advance.  And if there was ever a picture of the neighborhood online that they objected to I would be happy to take it down (although we know you really can never fully remove an image from the Internet once it is out there).

This week many of us sent our kids back to school and we were most likely handed a Media Release to sign by our school district.  More and more schools are having to face a very similar situation.  The dilemma is what to do if they want to post a picture on their school website, or promote an event in the local newspaper (which inevitably will end up on the online version of that newspaper) or just take pictures of the their student body for some use they had not even thought of yet.

This is a huge challenge for public school districts, teachers, and coaches everywhere.  This was highlited in two different news articles this last week.

READ PARRY AFTAB’S response in the article: Internet Photos of Athletes Present New Challenges to Ads

In this article this discussion is presented from the perspective of the Athletic Director who is facing a challenge of bystanders taking pictures of his students without permission and posting them on various sites.

READ TEXAS SCHOOL is faced with unscheduled interview: Al Jazeera reporter not welcomed at Booker football game

At first glance, this article looks like a small town, ignorant, school administrator banning the news agency Al Jazeera from conducting interviews at his school. But you have to read through the entire article to get to the crux of the matter which really just boils down to advance notice by the media outlet and media releases on the part of the school.

As parents we can help support our schools in their attempts to keep our kids and their images and online reputations safe online and in the media. When your school hands you that media release to sign let them know you appreciate what they are doing and will do your part in supporting good online “photo tagging” etiquette.

Real People – August in Review

– by Mary Heston

August was an amazing month. What should have been a quiet month when families are spending more time offline actually ended up being a super busy month at Wired Moms.

Programming NOTE: Tune in to MTV August 30 at 8pm EST for Seventeen magazines big reveal in its Pretty Amazing cover contest. Our friend, and very Real, Pretty AND Amazing friend Nina Montgomery is one of the top 5 finalists in this contest. Meet Nina:  View NINA’s slideshow HERE Check out Seventeen Magazine’s Pretty Amazing Contest

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One of the big conversations on Twitter this month was about teachers and facebook. With schools reopening their doors and getting ready for a new batch of students schools and communities are still struggling with what to do about social networking. Some school districts have fantastic, transparent policies in place that protect their students and establish clear guidelines for their teachers. But other communities missed the mark this summer.

READ PARRY AFTAB’s response to Missouri’s attempt to legislate Facebook use by teachers to the extreme.

Teachers are just real people trying to do their best. They need our support in helping our schools develop reasonable social networking policies that make sense for our children and our families.

August Part II

(cont.) – by Mary Heston

August was also the month that I got to interview two very Real People – Rosalind Wiseman and Jane Lynch.

Rosalind Wiseman, a long time friend of Wired Safety and Wired Moms, is the author of Queen Bees and Wannabes which became the movie “Mean Girls“. She has teamed up with Jane Lynch (who you probably recognize as the Polyester warmup suit wearing, Cheerio Cheerleader Coach from Glee) and LG to put out a series of PSA’s on Text Education. I took my friend Carissa Rogers to the LG room Saturday morning during Blogher where we had the awesome opportunity to sit down with these two amazing women and talk Text.

One of the most delightful experiences of the morning was finding out that Jane Lynch is a real person. Of course she is a real person (even thought the picture above is so good of her that she almost looks like a cardboard cutout of herself) but she was really a REAL person. When we first walked in I was a little Star Struck as I am a huge fan. I have been a huge fan of Rosalind’s for years since I first picked up Queen Bees. It is the kind of book you can open to any page and get something out of it. She walked up to me and gave me a big hug and then Jane walked over and we exchanged introductions and within two seconds I felt like I was talking with an old friend of the family. Our conversation was fun and interesting and flew by too fast. She asked about our kids and was honestly and genuinely connected with the LG campaign to educate parents about the dangers of texting and driving.

Get Involved!

Watch the LG PSA’s on TextEd and pass it along to your friends. Visit LGTextEd.com

Join the conversation on Facebook

Follow WiredMom and LGTextED on Twitter

Join the conversation.

August was a great reminder that we are all just real people. Real people working together to make a better world for our kids and ourselves. Looking at the world through a screen can sometimes create a feeling that we are somehow disconnected from everyone else out there. But we have to remind ourselves that we are all just very real people and we really are all connected in one way or another.

There’s an App for that – but should your child be playing with it?

– by Mary Heston
When was it that the phrase “There’s an app for that” became a common part of our vernacular? Apps have sort of snuck into our lives quietly and unoffensively. Many parents don’t even consider the safety aspect of apps like they would if buying a video game or letting their child go to a website and play a game online. READ THE ENTIRE ARTICLE HERE

A real person, a lot like you